The Leadership Mirror: Do You Model Chaos or Grace?
In my work with executives and leadership teams, we often discuss what makes a strong leader. The best leaders inspire confidence, cultivate trust, and build highly effective teams—not through fear, but through respect and vision. They paint a picture of what’s possible, giving people the clarity and confidence to move forward. They challenge without demeaning. They set high expectations without creating chaos. And when mistakes happen, they take responsibility rather than shifting blame.
Leadership isn’t just about authority; it’s about how you use it.
But what happens when leadership lacks these qualities?
We’ve all seen leaders who rule through intimidation rather than inspiration, who demand loyalty instead of earning trust, and who make impulsive, short-sighted decisions instead of strategic, long-term choices.
They may appear powerful in the moment, but over time, their teams fracture, their credibility erodes, and their organizations suffer. Employees disengage. High performers leave. The culture deteriorates.
Now, imagine a CEO or team leader who humiliates employees, avoids responsibility, and lashes out instead of leading with strategy. Would they earn respect? Would their company thrive? Would people feel proud to work there? Would employees be inspired to do their best—or simply try to avoid the next outburst?
The Leadership Example We Set
The way we lead matters. Great leadership balances strength with strategy, power with wisdom, and influence with responsibility. But when leadership becomes reactive, transactional, or focused on short-term wins, trust erodes, teams disengage, and long-term success is put at risk.
If grace, dignity, and class are absent at the highest levels, how do we ensure they remain present in our own teams and daily lives?
Modeling the Leadership We Want to See
1. Engage with Those You Disagree With—Respectfully
True leadership means holding respect, directness, and conviction at the same time. These qualities are not mutually exclusive. We can challenge ideas without degrading people.
2. Set Boundaries Without Resorting to Chaos
Though rare, there have been moments when someone in a meeting I attended has been disrespectful, shouted, or berated another person. In these situations, I make a choice: I either address it directly or walk away, making it clear that we can continue the conversation when emotions settle. I do not match their chaos with my own. Strength isn’t about volume—it’s about steadiness.
3. Lead With Strategy, Not Just Emotion
Strong leaders don’t react impulsively to every criticism. They focus on the long game. They know when to push forward and when to pause. Leadership isn’t about winning the moment—it’s about building something that lasts.
4. Step Away from the Noise
Staying informed is important, but so is protecting your energy. Effective leaders balance being engaged citizens with maintaining their own mental and emotional well-being. If we’re constantly in reaction mode, we lose our ability to lead thoughtfully.
5. Leadership Starts with Us
While we may not control what happens on the national stage, we have immense power to shape the culture within our workplaces and communities. Leadership doesn’t start at the top—it starts with how we choose to show up every day.
6. Look to Leaders Who Inspire
Who are the people—past or present—who embodied the qualities we admire? We can study their approach and apply those lessons in our own leadership, no matter our position.
The world needs leaders who bring out the best in people, not the worst. Who build, rather than tear down. Who understand that strength isn’t just about force—it’s about wisdom, vision, and integrity.
So I ask you: Who are the leaders who have inspired you? How did they carry themselves in moments of challenge?
We all have a role in shaping the culture around us. The question is: What kind of leader will you choose to be?