How To Stay True to Your Values When It Feels Hard
In follow up to my blog Crisis Reveals Character: When Values Meet the Fire, I wanted to offer a practical guide for those moments when living your values feels especially hard. While many of us aspire to lead with our values, doing so in practice can feel lonely, risky, or downright uncomfortable.
Maybe you’re the only one in the room naming the tension. Maybe you’re afraid of offending, disrupting harmony, or being perceived as difficult. Sometimes it would be so much easier to stay quiet, go along, or pretend not to notice.
But if your values matter, they must matter when it’s hard, not just when it’s convenient.
So how do you stay grounded in your values when discomfort shows up?
Here are a few steps to help you move through the resistance and step into alignment with clarity and care.
- Pause and Name What You’re Feeling
Discomfort is often a signal, not a stop sign.
When you feel that tightening in your chest, that urge to shrink or stay silent, pause. Name what’s happening internally:
- “I feel nervous about speaking up.”
- “I’m afraid this will create conflict.”
- “I don’t want to be seen as a troublemaker.”
Naming the feeling helps you get perspective. It creates space between you and the discomfort, so the discomfort doesn’t get to drive the bus.
- Reconnect to Your “Why”
Ask yourself: What value is at stake here? What matters to me in this moment?
When you can clearly identify the value—whether it’s integrity, compassion, equity, or transparency—you can use it as an anchor.
Remind yourself: This isn’t about being right. It’s about being real. You’re not creating friction for the sake of it; you’re showing up in a way that aligns with who you are.
- Start with Curiosity, Not Confrontation
Stepping into uncomfortable conversations doesn’t mean coming in hot.
You can stand in your values and remain kind. In fact, sharing your truth with warmth and openness often creates space for others to do the same. Your goal isn’t to overpower—it’s to invite exploration.
- “Can I offer a different perspective?”
- “I’m noticing something that’s been sitting with me—can we explore it together?”
- “This might be uncomfortable, but I think it’s important to say.”
You don’t need to have the perfect words. You just need to be real and open.
- Discomfort Isn’t a Sign You’re Doing It Wrong
We often associate discomfort with danger or failure. But when you’re living your values, discomfort can actually be a sign that you’re growing.
It may not feel good right away. You might second-guess yourself afterward. That’s okay. Integrity doesn’t always come with instant relief. It often comes with a deeper sense of alignment over time.
- Reflect and Regroup Afterward
After the moment has passed, take time to reflect:
- Did I act in alignment with what I care about?
- What did I learn about myself?
- What would I do differently next time?
Whether it went smoothly or not, you showed up. That matters.
You’re Not Alone
Most of us don’t talk about how hard it is to live our values, but we all feel it. The more we normalize that tension, the easier it becomes to navigate with intention and grace.
Living your values doesn’t mean being fearless. It means being willing.
So, when the moment comes (and it will), take a breath. Root yourself in what you care about. Speak with kindness. And trust that showing up with integrity creates the kind of space where others can do the same.